I have just found out that I can get to my blog through the school's computers. This is great news, now, instead of doing work I can push my inner thoughts into this digital forum.

Inner thoughts at the moment :

"I'm HUNGRY"

I don't want to go to work. I would like to kill Gail. Perferbly by strangulation.

I miss Megan. I wonder what she's doing. It's a bummer that I got weird last night on the phone and that we only had fifteen seconds to converse this morning. I can't wait to talk to her tonight. And even more, I can't wait to see her on thursday.

I'll soon be done with my law troubles, ain't that swell!

I hate the obnoxious, nasely assholes that frequent my life. No one cares!

"I'm HUNGRY!"

...comics....


Back to school.

Teddy

My legs are freezing. Maybe I should slip on some jeans or the epitome of laziness, sweatpants. But I don't mind feeling the bristles on my legs poking up, it used to remind me that I was alive; now, I am so alive but I still enjoy the feeling.
I just watched "Amelie" for the first real time. The previous times I was interupted by the love of my life looking beautiful and distracting me. Oh she's sick right now and that saddens me. I wish I could make her tea, tuck her in bed, and kiss her on the forehead and read her a story until she falls asleep.
I remembered for a brief second, how when I was younger, I used to take signs of friendship the wrong way. I would consider a smile or a laugh from someone as a sign of something more. I believe that the two girls from the library, who gaze at me in the halls believe that I am flirting, when really I'm being friendly. Drats, I'm not going to stop being friendly, but maybe sometime I should just "covertly" mention Megan.

God, Megan. I love you. I am so lucky.

A streak of yearning is currently running through my vines. I miss Megan with an incredible passion. When I woke up this morning, the grass was green and the sun was out, but the minute I found out that my baby didn't feel well and that I would not have the ability to see her and comfort her, the sky became grey and drops of rain made the green grass into mud. My arms hurt. She is the only thing that matters to me, and unlike the bastard boyfriends at my school, who objectify their girlfriends who they feel no love for, I don't get to see Megan everyday. I love her so much, but I don't get the ability to see her whenever I want, due to distance and responsibility. This makes no sense---my life is based around her, yet decisions of past still dictate parts of my life.
Before her, my arms hurt for a different reason. They ached as I cried in agony every night, over this depression caused by the thought of never being able to have anyone feel for me and me for them. The minute she came into my life all was washed away.

I am new again. She breathed life into my body. And I love her so much.

The lights on the Christmas tree were lit. Presents were wrapped. Breakfast was cooking. My little brown eyes went from the glazed snow, to the half-eaten Santa cookie, to my wrapped presents. An electric shock of excitement hit my body. I needed to open the presents and hug everyone in sight.

Oh, Christmas memories. Swell and drilled into my mind like two pieces of iron forming an automobile. How things have changed! Not to complain because I sure as hell am not! But, I've really gotten older. My mother tired from cooking dinner last night decided to skip Christmas breakfast and went to church instead. My brother is at his house with my sister in law, getting ready for a day of festivities with her family. And me, oh I'm quite the curmudgeon this morning. Falling out of bed with a stomach ache and pajamas, crawling to the record player to listen to Stan Getz, and lying on the floor with my belly to the air and my eyes to the rainy grey December sky. I am more excited about seeing Megan than I am Christmas. Sure the presents were great this year, and they really were. The most important came from Megan and the most important was the ability to have someone to hold during the holidays.

I've really changed. I miss being that little kid but I'm not that kid anymore. My mother is no longer the mother of two kids but becoming the matriarch of my family. And my brother is no longer that punk that would hide my new toys, but an almost husband, a business owner, and a grown man.